Love

One of the important elements that is effectively missing in the world today is the element of love. Although the word "love" is seen, heard and used practically everywhere in our lives, the feeling of animosity in our surroundings seem to be gaining in prominence. Wars, terrorism... and nearer to our hearts - the increasing number of divorces worldwide.

It effectively led me to ask myself constantly, why is it so hard for us to love? Do we even know how to love? Are we able to understand what is love to comprehend the feelings that we experience is one of love? Or do we simply confuse love and lust (erotic love)?

Thinking about this topic at the most basic level, I cannot fathom how two people who promise - profess? - the love, commitment and promise of eternal unity in this lifetime can somehow spin the feeling of love to one of hate and, at times, of vindictive nature.

It led me to think that perhaps the word "love" has fallen into a category that we use without having a single clue of what it is and how it is supposed to be felt when love really dwell upon us. The word is certainly used so frivolously at times that I wonder if it is used to ensnare the other party to commit.

I ask: How does one feel when one is feeling in love? Is the feeling of love one of love or lust? Why would the feeling of love turn to a feeling of hate at such high proportions in the world? Are the feelings of love and hate belong to two sides of the same coin (Osho)? Would love be so strong for the person that it becomes unconditional? Is our ability to love able to reach that epic of proportion of being unconditional? Is this earthly love between two people not permanent? Since one will have to eventually deal with the loss of the other through death anyway, so do we boldly prepare for the loss with grace right from the beginning?

Love and hate being on the two sides of the same coin is probably one that is easiest to understand for me. I would not be able to feel the extremities of love without feeling the other side of the spectrum. The sweetness of a ripened mango cannot be comprehended and appreciated without tasting the sourness of an unripened one.

On erotic love, the book on the philosophies of Socrates, edited by Robert Van de Weyer, wrote: For Socrates, love in the spiritual sense is also erotic. He describes in the most vivid terms the madness of being in love with another person, in which that person appears supremely beautiful. And he explains this as the first step on a path that leads to the perfect divine beauty beyond the heavens.

That paragraph intrigued me for years. I've been asking that same question as I, for one, is not one that fuse erotic love and spiritual love together. However, over the years, it seems necessary. The binding of two human beings at the beginning of totally different upbringings, backgrounds, baggages, principles, values, habits, ideals, hopes and dreams would be necessary with that of lust or erotic love.

Socrates explains why erotic madness is the form that interest him most is that of falling in love with another person. "The beauty perceived in the object of love is a sign of perfect divine beauty; thus, erotic madness can become the soul's first steps on a path that leads upwards to God."

So to start with erotic love is the most enticing and exciting part of the blossoming of love. The excitement and joy of pursuit; the exploration of the object of interest that renders one mind's out of sync with the world, is the one of the most addictive and exhilarating experiences. However, in reality, erotic love does not last forever. Some people I know would pursue new objects of interest to keep feeling the stages of erotic love. So I could conclude that it is suffice to say that erotic love is not the grand plan of things. The progression to understand and be aware that this lust eventually may run its course; therefore, spiritual love must take its place. Without spiritual love taking over, we would probably be searching for the next erotic love to build.

Then the next question is - what is spiritual love? I have yet to find an answer to that as I am neither one without flaws nor one that has the perfect notion of love. But I feel that spiritual love (that leads to unconditional love) can be worked on by two people who are in erotic love. The harmonious and tremendous energy between two parties that could agree and work out evolutionary ideals like trust, respect, responsibility, accountability, empathy and eventually, unconditional love. The strength of two people in love is probably the best partnership that one can tap on and evolve towards highest good.

It finally leaves me with the final question of how to find the one person to build all these upon? Can it happen at an age when so many relationships are crumbling around me?

I started asking myself if it is possible to start with self love and self preservation? Then we are able to attract a kindred spirit with the same notion and aspirations towards spiritual love? Can we start from being in love with one self, to be selfish - without being narcissistic? Selflessness comes next in natural progression? Can I treat myself as well as I treat the person when I am feeling that initial erotic love? What are my intentions when I treat someone else better than I treat myself?

Osho once said,"In being selfish, you will find all the altruism that you have been seeking and seeking and not finding...we have been told to love thy neighbour... you are loving the neighbour and you know nothing of love...and the neighbour who is loving you also knows nothing of love...such insanity is happening in the world...people are loving each other who know nothing of love...it is like beggars begging from each other... thinking the other party is an emperor... but when truth manifests... anger, violence and hatred entail...they don't know what love is...then you [sic] think you've [sic] been cheated...the beggar trying to prove that he is an emperor... the absurdity of it! You have to begin with yourself...".

The Oxford dictionary's definition of "selfish" is "concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure". I have been asking myself the very same question over the past few years. To love is not a case of one's feelings when one is feeling in erotic lust. To have the ability to experience the power of self love and a great sense of self preservation take precedence before I can even talk about loving someone else or on a greater scale, the world. To many, the statement stems from selfishness; to me, the statement gravitates towards selflessness. I need to have something in abundance and the spillover is the amount that I am able to share. The current mental state of confusion in so many people deemed to be in love but have only the capacity to be in lust. They are not able to give more, not because they do not want to, it's simply because they do not have the capacity to.

With self-love, the needle that toggles to and fro in the heart remains stoic and centred, in spite of the upheavals, in our sometimes torrid and sometimes emotionally arid conditions with our erotic lovers. Our functionality, proper state of mind and spirit will not be affected or wavered by the torrents of jealousy or insecurities created by any erotic partners who have no intentions to progress to being our spiritual lovers. However, when the right erotic partner comes along and over time progresses to be our spiritual lover, all the negative torrents will stop flowing forth. Thus, the self-love must manifest its full glory first for us to bask in the wondrous after effects of love with a partner.

We are all searching for the perfect partner to manifest that perfect love... such little do we know that this love has to be seeked within ourselves before the right partner can even be found...

Connie

Dear Connie,

It's been such a long time, how are you? I saw your teacher scolding you for colouring the sky cyan the other day before I left. Are you feeling alright now?

I'm so sorry I've to leave for a period of time and you didn't have someone to talk to about your confusion on why you were scolded - for you really saw the sky in that beautiful hue vividly in your dream just a night ago. I would be sad if I were scolded for expressing something that I witnessed too. Yes, and you saw daddy in the sky smiling you too... and you did not have time to draw him in as you were made to stand.

You want to make the world that you have woken up into as beautiful as the one you saw in your dream - and make daddy proud. You have pictured yourself in the dream, twenty-seven years from now, all happy and beautiful.

You are scared that the image is going to be a just a fragment of your imagination as you do not have the ability to make it happen. You are afraid that you are not going to grow up into the lady that you keep dreaming about, for you don't see yourself growing up to be the lady in your dream when you look in the mirror. ... You feel very much alone with no one to help you since daddy is gone. I understand that.

When you wake up and you will find this letter placed next to your pillow. You will read this letter as you sit on your tiny bed, the morning sun will pour blessings and warmth on you through the window above you. I want you to close your eyes and count to ten.

Yes, do it now... One... two... three... four... five... six... seven... eight... nine... ten...

Feel the warmth and the glow pouring in... filling you with love...

I want you to remember this happiness that you are feeling right now. You are being one with the elements, being loved and looked after by the one that has left you this letter. I want you to remember this each time you feel sad or scared. You are not alone and you are always being protected.

Connie, the very moment you decided that you want to be that beautiful someone in your head - when you were four - things are already in the works to help you get there. And because you want to be someone as great as the one that you have dreamt of... The journey to get there will not be easy. The training that life will give you to get you there will be a tumultuous.

If I dare say, losing daddy is part of that challenges to help you get there. Life works in strange ways, doesn't it? To lose people or things that we love dearly is to teach us on the simple concept of learning to let go. Connie, you will be losing more people you think that you love, for freedom is to be able to let go when the time is right. To live the experience now, not hold on to it or fear that you lose it, is freedom in its own right. Losing daddy now is only one of the many loses that you will need to battle.

At times when things look so dark and scary... I want you stare at the darkness and challenge the darkness to see how much darker can it get, for no darkness last forever. And when you do not allow yourself to wallow in pain but come out of it better, then you are one step closer to your goals.

Your dreams will come true, Connie. You may stumble and fall sideways at times... but remember that when you cry in your sleep, you are never alone in your path to perfection.

I know that because I am you.

Always loving you,

Eswari