My Remaining Years Unus

I have been thinking, reflecting, contemplating and introspecting about the function of my life. I realised that asking the question "What is the meaning of life?" is too broad and complex an aspect for me to even contemplate, let alone understand. So I stopped looking around for answers at such a broad capacity - it is simply not meant for me to find out; someone else will, and that someone else will share that aspect with me if he or she wants to and is meant to.

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So I started asking, how is my life suppose to pen out? One thing I'm sure is that my heart has protected me so far and has led me to where I am today - the way I had pictured myself, in this framework, about two decades ago. But running along, since I know that the universe gives me what I want in its due course, somehow or other, I started asking what is the function of it?

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I'm sure so far, my life has not been one that is to procreate and to multiply - if not, I would have - most probably - a quarter of a dozen running around by now. Maternal instincts has neither been cultivated nor activated - there is no inclination to have a child of my own. I just know that the normal way of life of starting and raising a family doesn't apply to me and hankering after textbook normality of life will lead me to desperation and depression - two possible outcomes that are going to lead me to nowhere.

I trust my heart to ask, "Then what is the function of this life and how do I die properly at the end of it?"

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I feel that death is neither dark nor a fearful subject to think about, even though I am not considered anywhere near middle age; but it is realistic to contemplate and prepare on this taboo subject - an event of eventuality. Since I can't avoid it, I might as well think about it and prepare for it.

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I believe that my life is written uniquely - like anyone else's - and I am meant to learn something from this life and add value to the world around me while I’m learning from it. How I’m going to do it? I don’t know, but I am certain that life has its way of leading me to it.

What I can promise is I will do my best to protect the temple that protects my heart; the temple that is needed to house me while I am walking this life filled with unknowns and opportunities and its fair share of treacheries and tragedies.

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I started to appreciate that this body of mine has repaired and mended itself well in spite of abuses and neglect through thoughts, diets and sloth throughout these years. The resilience of this temple is indeed the protection, blessing and miracle bestowed upon me.

I know that it is my responsibility to nourish my body and mind on these three aspects: good thoughts through knowledge and good association; proper diet through eating consciously and selectively; and proper actions through discipline, for I know that this temple is going to carry me through the remaining journey to answer my question on how to die - properly - without feeling that I have not done what was chosen and written for.

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For the rest of my journey, may my heart be led by the divine.